the good that won't come out: 06

20050616

Life.

Hello, everyone. Sorry that my last couple of posts have been so vague-heh I've had a weird last week. (To put it lightly.) It's been up and down...exceedingly so. Not my feelings about this person, but really just how the whole thing makes me feel. And I realized something tonight: that whenever we would be in a moment, everything would be wonderful and everything he would say would be perfect. He told me that the whole thing was "like a dream" to him-which is understandable, seeing as it is not reality. And then I saw it: maybe whenever you do feel special about someone, maybe all it is is an escape from reality and the only reason that it works is because real life doesn't need to come crashing down as quickly as it normally does in this situation. Maybe that's just what relationships are.
I just don't see how everything can be so picturesque ("Of course you know when I want to kiss you because I always want to kiss you") and all of a sudden it becomes "...I wouldn't really be focusing on you." Ah, reality. It's harsh, but I suppose it is life. But I dunno...sometimes when things go back and forth like that it makes me think that anything he says in the beautiful moments are really just words that don't mean anything and keep you there. (I'm wondering if that's how love really does just become an escape.) Maybe not, though, because I know that I still feel the same way out of those instances as when I'm in them...at least I know that I'm not hallucinating my emotions. So maybe they're just not true for him. Or aren't true for anybody. I'm not sure. But then again, if I had all the answers, what the hell would be the direction of this post? (Ah ha! Ponder that if you will.) I dunno...it all makes me very sad but the happy moments seem worth all of it. Go figure, right?
I know what I'm writing and I know how it's coming off and that's correct b/c that's how I feel right now-I'm just hoping that these won't be my views of strong emotions permanently. I hope that I won't be so jaded and objective the next time that I feel something for someone. I really hope that I can feel this way about someone for a longer period of time than a week without all of it crashing down so suddenly.

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 1:10 AM 7 comments

20050614

Coldplay-What If?
What if there was no line?
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme.
What if you should decide, that you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.
What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide that you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try
Oooh, that's right Ohhhhh
Oooh, that's right Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 7:16 PM 1 comments

20050612

"We walked the earth, We talked and never spoke a word..."

I have no idea what to think. I'm not sure what to say-I can't speak sometimes-if I could, what would I say to you? Thinking of how good it is to be sitting so close to you-to be standing near you-to see you looking at me. Thinking of how much everything can change. How the hell did all of this happen? Hah-who the hell would have ever thought you had felt that way about me? And who the hell would ever think that I felt the same way about you? (Well, minus that one friend who asked about me & you 2 months ago...whom I lied to-I couldn't let anyone know about that.) Calling you today about Aly was just an excuse to talk-I wanted so badly to know if you had read my note. And you did and you didn't say anything about it. And I saw your note on aim. And what can I say now? There's nothing I can say-I can't think. Everything is going by me so quickly and there's nothing I can do to stop it to just breathe and figure things out-but I guess there really isn't anything to figure out. I guess that if I had known earlier this torture would have been going on for potentially 2 years or so. I don't know-I have these few words on my lips that I want to say to you-I can't bring myself to say them. I promised that I would never be like everyone else when it came to you and I know that if I say them, everything will be a thousand times harder. But next week you won't even think of this. You'll forget all of it, and that's underastandable. But what about when you come back? I hope that everything you've felt will have disappeared for your sake because I don't feel that you should have to think about it right before all of this goes blank. We could be so goddamned good together and I just know it-but I know that that could never happen. I also know you'll never read this. But I think you already know exactly what's on my mind.

Ben Folds
Sentimental Guy
There's a moment in my mind
I scribbled and erased a thousand times
Like a letter never written or sent
These conversations with the dead
I used to be a sentimental guy
Now I'm haunted by the left unsaid
I never thought so much could change
Little things you said or did
Are part of me
Come out from time to time
Though probably no one I know now
Would notice
But I never thought so much could change
You drifted far away
Far away it seems
Time has stopped
The clock keeps going
People talking
And I'm watching
As flashes of their faces go black and white
And fade to yellow In a box in an attic
And I never thought so much would change
What a shame

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 11:52 PM 3 comments

20050604

Prommity-Prom

Hey everyone! Before I get to the awesome prom coverage, I'd just like to share that I just ordered my Raiders of the Lost Arc staff of Ra pendant and it will be arriving in about 4 days or so. And yes, I'll be wearing it at graduation. :)
And right now I'm listening to this singer who is absolutely amazing. AMAZING. He sings the song "Walking in Memphis" which I think I've only played for like, two of you...most of you probably haven't heard the song. But if you're curious just download it or find me. But yeah. He's absolutely wonderful. He's like a cross between Don Henley, Bruce Springstein, and Peter Gabriel. I highly recommend him. So work today was really fun...my legs hurt so freakin' bad but Brendan, Dominique, and I were all laughing about it all day which was really funy and cool at the same time. The best part of work, I'd have to say, was when I was like, "When am I eligible to receive tips?" (The sad part is that that was my exact phrasing.) - you don't get tips until like, your tenth day of work or something. So they're like, "Let me check" and give me my tip envelope and inside of i there's $63 dollars that had accumuated in the last 3 weeks or so. Which made me extremely happy.
So prom=amazing. There isn't too much more to say about it. The limo ride was kinda crazy, Denny's was fun, the dances were great (except that "You Look Wonderful Tonight" literally makes me cry now), the talks were fun, and I can't wait to see the pictures. Favorite moments included when Collin and I were dancing and I was like, "Okay. Now think of this. now think of how I played your mother." and when the dj played "Girls just wanna have fun" and the song is playing and we're all singing and the chorus hits and Charles yells something so it went (quite audibly) "Girls, just wanna have fu-un, oh, girls just wanna have fun....AND ME!!!!".
So yes, lots of fun. I've gotta get some sleep to be at work tomorrow at 8, so come visit me.
Love you all!

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 11:21 PM 2 comments

About Me

Name: The rocket girl. Stephashiznizzle, but to some, Stephanie 1
Home: Temporarilly Fredericksburg (or Fred Vegas, if you'd prefer), VA. Also, in the immortal words of my dear friend Joe, "Stephanie Breijo, you live on ebay."
About Me: What can I say that hasn't already been said...? I live and I love it along with friends, good conversations, family, and adventure. I am always waiting to see what happens next. If you've any idea, please for the love of God, let me know.
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