| 20060706 |
| Hey emo spell, get the hell out of here. Thx. |
Life gets more confusing by the day, but as one wise person told me, don't let it bother you.
There are a few regrets in my life that bother me already...the biggest is what I did about college and the largest worry in my mind is that by leaving and going so far away I'll only be making another decision I'll regret. Or making the same one even bigger. I look at one of my friends and see how happy she is with where she went and think about how amazing it would have been to have accepted the school and gone there and had an apartment with her in some new city far from San Diego. ...I suppose it's too late to think about that now, but it still bothers me. If by leaving now am I messing up happiness that I could experience later? UGH. Regrets...as sung by Ben Folds Five. Oh man. I guess the more you think about it the more down you get on yourself.
So I've been thinking that it's time for me to travel somewhere because it's been a few months since I last did and things here are sometimes far too mundane. I am incredibly excited, however, because I just found out that my friend Erick (from middle school) is coming down a week from this friday to stay the weekend with me and hang out (some of you might recall him as the one who called from 20 minutes away saying he was in SD and wanted to crash at my house at about midnight at the last minute a few months ago). ALSO, Robin (also from middle school) will be coming down and staying with me the NEXT weekend for Comic-Con (and yes, I have my pass already) :) I just want to go someplace new so badly-I've been thinking about SF so much lately and I don't know why...Sloane and I have been talking about it for a while, Laureen and I talked about it the other day, even my mom and I were discussing the city. *Sigh* but I suppose that it all just comes down to money and time. After just watching Fight Club for the first time in a very long time, I'm starting to see their point of living with no regrets and becoming a slave to no system...it's a shame that that's just sort of the way that life is now (and probably always has been...I just wish it were different.) I need adventure that I feel I only recently had when a good friend visited and we narrowly escaped a national border...haha I make it sound so harrowing. But really, it was a fun adventure. Even if only a sketchy one. I want to road trip and rent really cheap hotel rooms with my friends and see random things and go to new places and eat at greasey diners and not even know exactly what route we're taking. Sometimes I find I get depressed...not extremely so, but I see it every now and then. The thing is, I know exactly when and why it happens...I suppose I just get bored with routine and need to throw a wrench in the system or my life or what not, even if only temporarily. I just need excitement and spontaneity and I suppose my life has been lacking just those things for a little while. I feel I'm at the epitome of mondanity and someone that gives me so much life is gone for who knows how long.
Let me out of here, give me back to the wind...
Maybe hiking. Maybe a city. Maybe whitewater rafting.
I want to fly and never come down
I want to live life and have friends around
Oh god...I don't even know what I want anymore personally. I just need to get out and explore.
...seemed like forever
what would you give to get away?
Sorry about the quotes....they just settle in my mind sometimes after I write...if you can automatically name those songs, well, no, it doesn't make you cooler than anybody else, but it does mean that we listen to some of the same music. In the words of Dane Cook, "Well, that's, that's nice." Hmmmm...And what about secrets? How many skeletons does everyone have in their closet and how do they get rid of them if it's even possible to do so? Who can you really trust with those secrets except maybe the people who were there, and even then...? It just seems like once they're there, you live with them. Which is a shame. I'm not too used to that feeling. Hmmmm...a conscience is a funny thing and so is life...I suppose it all balances in the end, though.
I realize how incredibly contradictory this post is to the title and the first line, but this isn't emo; it's more introspective and really, honestly, my current feelings. I also appologize for the last post...I guess that's all I can really say about that. And yes, life does get confusing and some of the best advice in the world is not to let it bother you too much. Unfortunately, that's incredibly difficult for me. Maybe I'll master it someday.
Hmmmm...well, more of The Iliad to read and more time to think, I suppose.
G'night, everyone-peace out, yo. |
posted by stephy_andthejets @ 1:20 AM   |
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| 20060704 |
| then out of nowhere, you put me right back there... |
Staring at the dark again, you left your silhouette upon my pillow
Right inside the night, I'm waiting for the light
Seems like I'm in the middle
Workin' for something that I can't touch
And sometimes can't even believe in
Cradled by the hands of fate the faith that
Sometimes wraps around too tight - so tight
They call me free but I call me a fool
They call me free but I call me a fool
Well I look back at April, but she won't look back at me
So I pray in May for June to stay, but she just came
To wash into the sea - away
They call me free but I call me a fool
Slipped down to Mexico, started messin' with her yellow afro
Slipped down behind the sheets, started talkin bout Pistol Pete
Slipped down to the Africa, started talkin bout what she can do
Well here we are again, back where we started
Slipped down to the dark again
You left your silhouette on my pillow
Well I'm right inside the night, I'm waitin for the light
Seems like I'm in the, seems like I'm always in the middle
They call me free but I call me a fool
why does it always hurt when they leave? |
| posted by stephy_andthejets @ 5:31 PM |
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| About Me |
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Name: The rocket girl. Stephashiznizzle, but to some, Stephanie 1
Home: Temporarilly Fredericksburg (or Fred Vegas, if you'd prefer), VA. Also, in the immortal words of my dear friend Joe, "Stephanie Breijo, you live on ebay."
About Me: What can I say that hasn't already been said...? I live and I love it along with friends, good conversations, family, and adventure. I am always waiting to see what happens next. If you've any idea, please for the love of God, let me know.
See my full profile, folks
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