the good that won't come out: fucking. brilliant.

20060911

fucking. brilliant.

I can understand those of you who oppose gay marriage, be it under tradition, religion, or the belief that civil unions do the trick...however, I found this today and find it so incredibly wonderful-everyone's views are acceptable and valid, of course-I just don't back the people who judge marriage based upon the word of God from so long ago...argue as you can (and probably will), this puts the argument in a fairly...definitive (haha) light. I'm not a raging liberal save one or two instances, this being one of them.

Enjoy as I did

:)

Oh, and in addition, I am not a "Bush Basher" and when it comes to politics tend to view each choice administration as a "lesser of two evils". This is not to hate on the republican party; it's this issue, and that's it. But Bush, for this? You're kind of an idiot sometimes. Maybe you should take your head out of your ass and recognize love and equality despite gender. (Sorry, Collin & Steve-O.)

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law! I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus 15.19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11.10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?

7. Leviticus 21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19.27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)

Mr. President, I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Yours truly,
An Inquiring Supporter

P.S. I look forward to your answers because there are a number of other issues that I'd like to get settled as soon as you've enlightened me on these ... Thanks again!!

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 4:32 PM

2 Comments:

At 5:02 PM, Anonymous said…

Dude for real that just made my day. That was so well put together and clever. And I love that we can just slam Leviticus, because it's the lamest book in The Bible, if I do say so myself. Haha. I love you Spaz :-)
Looooove Cass aka...Spaz
At 1:46 AM, Anonymous said…

Steph, you win the prize. That makes me very, very happy. (And I'm the resident Catholic altar boy, too!)

P.S. Please call me or IM me or something, we seriously need to talk. :D