the good that won't come out: regression(?)

20070625

regression(?)

Wellp, there you have it...I never actually thought I'd write in this thing again. I thought it was a goner...and then I realized some interesting things recently that I want to get off my chest...I think all friends have stopped reading this by now...it was a sad remnant of high school and days gone by, in retrospect, but if it's a place to put my thoughts down, it's easier than a physical diary.
Things have been strange lately. Something happened last weekend that made me feel empowered but also a little worried-a friend from a few years ago that I used to be very close with came over, along with another friend, whom I'm still very close with. The first one was always a social butterfly...so much so, that they often discarded emotion from numerous people, including close friends, in order to continue on their merry way in the egocentric field of opaque social servitude. Gag me. When she began talking only about petty things in her life I didn't mind-they usually do that, and I, along with my other friend who was there, listened...but after about twenty minutes I just realized how badly I wanted them out of my house and honestly couldn't stand them for too much longer. It was sort of freeing in a way. No longer did I actually realize how often this person talks on and on about themself; I realized that I didn't need to listen to it anymore. And, in fact, that felt good. This also makes me think that friendships don't last forever, despite the "no matter how hard you both try to remain friends" thing. I honestly think it all just comes down to compatability in the end...but maybe this is a veil for giving up on friendship...doubtful, though-I'm sure we'll talk again soon...and I'll be bored out of my mind, unsure why I'm sitting there at all. Maybe this is human nature or maybe it's just me...not sure, but it feels odd to move on in your own mind, I'll tell you that much. Let's see if I can stick to my guns on this one.

Another thing I realized today is how ridiculous it is when people fall directly into an age-old sterotype. Not that I mind people who do-I'm friends with a few of them-the activist, the new-age hippy, the theatre kid...but today in buffalo exchange there were these two girls talking-both dressed sort of like punks...not so much scenesters...and this one girl with loose black clothing and unbrushed crazy blonde hair asks the tattooed, emo-banged/weird-dye-job-haired girl where she works. The latter responds with some little sandwich place, and the first girl goes, "Hey-at least you haven't gone corporate." The other one agrees....
Maybe it's just because I just came from working at nbc for the day, but honestly-HONESTLY. It grated on my skin one thousand and two times more than I would have ever expected it would have. You want to talk about fitting into a corporate mold? Well, maybe we should talk about you fitting into your anti-establishment molds which you ALL SEEM TO FIT INTO EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. Doesn't that defeat your purpose? Also-selling out vs. going corporate? The difference is...? In terms of music, we can discuss...in terms of a job? Hello, you live in america, not in the jungle where you survive off of bugs and primitive hunting skill. Welcome to capitalism, trademarked by corporation. Corporation, in some ways, is the backbone of this country. That doesn't mean it's a horrible thing necessarilly. It isn't the end of the world if you work for The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or something for however long. It doesn't mean you've sold out in life. People have some really weird stigmas. Welcome to the real world, everyone...going corporate won't kill you, provided you find something you're happy doing; that's my theory and I'm sticking to it...we'll see if it works for me.
I guess, though, on the flip side, that everyone has to fill their molds to fit into in some ways...even if they perpetuate them by believing they're breaking them. It's ridiculously ironic.

In happier news, I'm reading a lot of hunter s. thompson and today at nbc I was told that I can cover some of comic-con...also, a musician I really admire and love keeps writing back to me!

life is beautiful.

posted by stephy_andthejets @ 10:32 PM

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